Tea Bag Moments
I was in a Zoom NA meeting and I heard the man sharing talking about a "Tea Bag Moment". And what that meant in the given context was so much unaddressed things had already piled up to the point where he had no reserves left. So a Tea Bag hitting the floor was too much and the reaction was vastly dis-proportionate to what actually happened.
And I reflected on this story. Looking back throughout my life how many "Tea Bag Moments" have I had? One heck of a lot it turns out.
And it started at a very young age when I began denying my feelings, which lead to denying My Self.
To unpack that a little bit, I began to stuff my feelings away rather than experience them. It does not matter why I did that at this time, just that I did. And denying my self, who I am as a Human Being and where I want to be in this life, I lost touch with that very quickly. I was trying to "fit in" to places I never fit so I had to be "someone else" in order to fit in there. I twisted myself into all sorts of funky shapes to try to fit in. I lost track of My Self very quickly.
So, I am stuffing away my feelings and also being anyone except myself then what happens? For me, I get emotionally and spiritually constipated. And there, very quickly, is no room left for any more. And Life keeps going on in it's inimitable way with absolutely no concern that I just "cannot take" any more.
Life happens, AKA the teabag hits the floor, I am already overwhelmed emotionally and spiritually, and I have a Reaction completely out of proportion to the triggering event.
And then, for a while, because I have "relieved" the pressure that had built up inside myself, I can act and react to life in an almost proportionate way.
Until, very quickly, the pressure has built up and gets overwhelming again. And, the teabag hits the floor, and I erupt totally out of proportion to the triggering event.
That is an exhausting way too live one's life I must say.
And it was all that I knew.
And then, I began the process of growing up. A very long and ongoing process. I do not believe that I will ever truly "grow up". At least by the standards of our society. What I am doing is growing up, becoming an adult, by my standards.
So let us break that down a little bit.
The first thing that I had to do was stop denying slash stuffing my feelings. I had to accept that I had feelings, I do not like feelings, I still have them, and allow those feelings to express. Having no experience with having feelings and expressing them this took a while. A simple broken shoelace could seem as overwhelming as the end of the world. I had no context on what I was feeling and the depth of it. It has taken quite a while to get that context and depth. It is still a work in progress.
At the same time that I am doing this I am also trying to get in touch with who I am as a Human Being. I had been denying My Self for so long by then and trying to be anyone else that I had no idea who this person is and how to find that out. I had been a chameleon, and proudly declared myself so, with no idea of self at all. Over time I began to get an idea of who I am beneath all of the different shapes that I had inhabited. I am still on this journey of Self Discovery. Even though I am much more in touch with the person I actually am and live there for the most part.
As I have been on those journey to self I have had a lot less of those Tea Bag Moments as well. Now a days when I feel something it is no longer overwhelming. I still, at times, will try to stuff and deny feelings as a first reaction. And, most times, I no longer do. And when I do I have tools to not stay stuck in that for long.
And I no longer have to try and fit in to places that I do not belong. I am in the places that I belong and with the people that I belong with. I can be My Self and no longer need to be someone else.
I remember when I first heard the song So Much To Say by The Dave Mathews Band. There is a line, repeated a few different times thru the song, that says "I find, sometimes, it's easy to be myself. Sometimes, I find, it's better to be somebody else". I really felt that. The only difference being that, for a long time, it was never easy to be my self and it was always better to be somebody else. And today I am grateful that I can easily be myself and am really uncomfortable trying to be somebody else.
So I am really grateful today that I have not had a Tea Bag Moment for a long time. And, if I keep doing the things that I am doing today and do not allow myself to get spiritually and emotionally constipated, that I should not have one ever again.
This is good.
So folks, where do you find yourself exploding in a totally disproportionate way to what is actually happening? Where do you find yourself Spiritually and Emotionally Constipated? Do you want relief?
I swear to you the relief is there. Find the spiritual and emotional laxative that you need to find relief. Please.
There is Peace, Serenity, Freedom, Joy, and Relationship, on the other side of all that.
This I know to be true.
May the Force be with you ☮
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