Addiction, Recovery, and Death

 I was on the phone a little bit ago with a friend. They were really broken up. Had just found out that a mutual friend a few towns over had died by, almost certainly, foul means. I called a few people in this town to get better info. Was filled in and DAMN!!!

The friend was someone that had struggled for a long time with addiction. In the last few years they had pretty much fallen off the map. Me and my friend had seen them last year on a bike ride when we basically kidnapped them to come out for a few and talk. Was the last time I spoke to them. I tried calling a few times and nothing.

According to what I was told they had just started coming back to meetings and seem to really want to get their life together. Was going to meetings, had a sponsor, was walking every day for health. Doing things that point to willingness. Which had seemed to be missing in the past.

And it was not enough. Because, from what I have been told, and believe based on the information and the sources, this persons past caught up to them it killed them. Probably pretty horribly.

So here I am again mourning another one of us killed as a direct result of addiction. Did not Over Dose from everything I understand, yet addiction killed them just as certainly as a hot shot would have.

I get tired. I get tired of having to mourn people. I get tired of hoping and then getting the word that that hope is now not possible. I get tired.

Yet I continue on in my journey of recovery. I still continue to carry the message of recovery to every where possible. Because that is the only thing that I can do. I cannot stop people from doing what they do and I cannot stop them from paying for their actions. I can continue to carry a message that recovery is possible to those will hear it. That is what I can do.

And as a result I do get to see people recover. There are many examples of lasting recovery in my life that I have been blessed to witness from the beginning and into this day and ongoing. Knowing that it is possible and seeing it happen is what gives me the strength to carry on when I am sitting here crying at the memory of my friend knowing that I will never see them again in this life time.

So I am crying and mourning while writing listening to loud Rock and Roll. And after I am done writing this I am going to dance to the music of LIFE and cook dinner, make lunch for tomorrow, and carry on. Because that is what I can do. And if I continue to do what I can do, then sometime down the road someone will get the message, and stop dyeing and start living. Because that is what we do.