Forgiveness

 Forgiveness. To Forgive someone. We humans have some messed up ideas about what this means. I went to the dictionary and all it has to say is "The Act of Forgiving". Bloody stupid. Tells one nothing. So I am going to give you what I think on the subject.

Let us start by examining some of the ideas that I used to have about forgiveness to see what it is not.

1. Forgiveness means forgetting. It most assuredly does NOT mean forgetting. One should never forget the behavior of someone that has hurt them. That does not do you or the other any service at all.
2. Forgiveness means that I am letting you off the hook. Negatori. One is responsible still for ones own actions. Nothing that I do can remove from you that responsibility.
3. Forgiveness means we are friends. NOPE!!! I can, and have, truly forgive someone and still not have them in my life. If a person is not making any effort to become someone who will not perform those actions that hurt me why in the world would I invite them back into my life? That would only be inviting getting hurt again.
4. Forgiving means forgetting my hurt as if it never existed. NO. I repeat NO. I do, however, get to put my hurt into it's proper perspective, whatever that is, for the situation as it is instead of the remembering only based in my hurt which magnifies everything.

So now we can see what forgiveness is not that is good. Sometimes the only way to begin outlining something is by seeing what it is not so that you can avoid being distracted into this place.

So now, what is it? What is this thing that we are urged so often to do? Sometimes by the people that have harmed us themselves.

• Forgiveness means that I am giving up my Right to be angry about the situation from this moment on. I no longer am allowed to carry around the load of Hatred and Resentment that I hold to you.
• It also means that I no longer have to try to hold that person, place, or situation accountable. It is no longer my job to make sure they understand that they are Responsible for this hurt that I am experiencing. And in many cases carrying around for years or even decades.
• Forgiveness means that I am no longer tied to you by the chains of my hate and resentment. I am free to move on with my life and to let you live yours.
• Forgiveness means FREEDOM. I am no longer constrained by my past. I am free to live MY LIFE without the burden of the person, place, or thing that I forgave.

Now all of these, as you can see, do not have anything to do with the person, place, or thing that is being forgiven. And that is because Forgiveness is never, and has never been, about the other. Forgiveness is always about the person doing the Forgiving. No One Else.

So there are my thoughts on this hairy subject. I invite anyone reading this to leave any thoughts that you have in the comment section below. Because, like everything else in life, more will be revealed. Always.