External and Internal Stuff, Letting it Go

 I received some new shirts today from my job. Nice, rugged, company name tagged, short sleeve button up collared shirts. Very nice. And I realized that I needed to free up some closet space in order to be able to hang them.

So I went in and did what I had been contemplating for quite a while, bagged up for donation some perfectly fine pants and shirts, sweatpants, etc, that I have not worn in years. And being honest, I will probably never be able to wear again anyway. I have some added padding since the last time I wore this stuff.

And while I was doing this I experienced a feeling of lightening of the load. I had been carrying these things for a long while, even moved them from Greenfield MA to here with me, knowing my chances of ever donning them again were slim to none, emphasis on none.

And while this was going on I was also thinking of the house in Greenfield. My housemate John was a hoarder. He lived in the house that his Father built, he had grown up in, and except for 6 months in his young 20.s had spent his entire life living in. He was attached to everything. And nothing, no matter how useless, was ever thrown away.

One of my great joys in life was, after John had passed away, loading up a 30 yard dumpster with all the crap that had accumulated in that house. And I still made dump runs for several weeks after getting rid of the overfull dumpster.

And as I was packing up my stuff to move up here to Brattleboro I downsized a LOT. I got rid of, by disposal or donation, a whole lot of stuff that I had accumulated. Again, the feeling of lightening the load. I was, in effect, unchaining myself from these things that owned me. Freedom.

And now I am thinking of all the internal stuff that I have, or that still need to be, gotten rid of. All of those ways of Being that no longer suit me that I have held on to from Fear and not knowing what I would do without them.

One of those things that I occasionally have to re-let go of, although for the most part I have been successful at this one, is Being Angry at little stupid things. I spent my life being angry at little stupid things. And somewhere along the way I discovered that this did not now, nor had it ever, serve me. Yet I continued to behave this way because I could not see myself without this. And I justified it because I was RIGHT. It was stupid. And little.

And finally, one time or another, in the process of being stupidly angry about some stupid little thing I got that I was TIRED. I was tired of being angry all the time. I was tired of trying to fix those things that I was angry at.  I was tired of being the person who would be that person.

So I made the choice to give up, to let go of, being angry at stupid little things. And I discovered it was all stupid little things. And it was a struggle for a while. Can still be sometimes. However, I have stuck to it.

And I have found out some amazing things. When I am not angry, when I am kind and patient with people in situations that used to have me getting angry and crazy, people really appreciate it. And they will break they butts to try to resolve the issue for me. 

Like in the grocery store when the person checking out the groceries of myself or the person in front me, runs into a snag and I do not lose my s**t, and just be kind and patient, the person running the checkout can then relax and do their job freely. By not being Angry I get to make their day a little better. And that is really rewarding.

Had a problem with my new company phone today. And while on the line with the tech who was trying to help me I could hear her getting frustrated because it was not going fast. She kept apologizing and I kept telling her that there was no need to apologize because I could tell that she was doing her job well and I really appreciated her time. It so happened to be true which made it easy. And, after about 10 or 15 minutes the issue was resolved she thanked me for being patient. I told her that I was really appreciative of her time and expertise and Thank You. I could hear the smile in her voice as we got off the phone.

So letting go, of Ways of Being, of Stuff, of anything, is very Freeing. And it makes the World a Better place. Because the World is affected by the energy that we put out into it. And making the World a better place one Human Interaction at a time is really rewarding. For me, for everyone.

And it helps create the World that I want to live in.

Am I a Saint? Not even a little bit. I am just a person trying to make Myself and the World a little better than I found it. And is that not something that we all can strive for?