ABUSER!!!

 When I was a child, and even before I was born, some F'ed Up things were going on within my family. Addiction played a huge part in this.

Some things happened to me. And, in the interest of full disclosure, I did some things as well. Both as a child growing up and as an "Adult".

When people are hurting they tend to inflict hurt. Especially if inflicting pain is just a normal part of life. And for me it was.

And it was not until I went into Recovery and started being honest about who I am and what I did and do in life that I began to learn better. And as I learned better I began to do better. I am by no means a Saint or Perfect. I am, as a friend once said, "... better, not yet well".

And I have learned many things. A few of the things that I learned is that I am real good at threat assessment. I am real god at reading people. I am hyper sensitive to abuse and harm.

And today I tend to act when I see it. For so much of my life I would be frozen and not able to act. I was trained very well that what happens inside of families/homes remains there. Silent and Invisible never to be spoken of or acknowledged in any way. And the few who are brave enough to break the silence are usually cast out by friends and family who "Don't remember it that way".

Professionally I provide a service which has me going into people's homes for 90+ percent of it. And most people are very happy to see me. They want the service offered and ordered so I am usually very comfortable.

A few days ago my last job of the day took to a place way out in the hills. It turned out that a young lady that I knew slightly from buying coffee and such at the store she worked at lived there with her husband, her six year old daughter, one and a half year old son, and mother in law. Her husband and I discussed what was going to happen and I started. Then the young lady showed up and we gabbed about nothing for a minute while I was setting up for the work.

Nothing bad or unusual has happened yet. And I have a faint sense of unease that I am barely aware of and ignoring completely.

During the job I am in the downstairs and I meet the grandmother. She is nice and explains something that I had asked her. Still faintly uneasy and ignoring it.

Then the young lady I know leaves to go to her Mum's about 2+ hours away. And I keep working.

The job was being a little difficult so I had to go downstairs and check the piece of equipment that I had put down there. And the door was closed. So I go in and check the equipment and hear the Grandma. I got chills. She was in the classic winding herself up phase of an abuser. She was using foul language and going on about how the whole world lets her down and never does as she asks.

I know that way of being very well from both sides.

A while later I am near the end of the job and another person shows up who is obviously known to the husband. And he brings his, I assume, daughter with him. Who is well known to the 6 year old girl in residence.

And the little girl asks her dad if she and her friend can play dress up upstairs. She had been dressing up earlier and had, proudly, explained that she was Belle. Dad said "Just don't make a mess".

About two minutes later I hear the grandma tearing into this six year old girl in a loud, very angry, very hate filled voice using dreadfully foul language.

Directed at her six year old grand daughter. Six. Years. Old.

And when the six year old said "But my Daddy knows that I am up here" in a very plaintive voice I experienced rage again. All I wanted to do was go in and punch the grand mothers teeth out of her head. And, I am pretty sure, that if I had given into that, it would have gone much further than that. Much further.

So I took a moment and reigned myself in. It was not easy. The only way I was really able to do it was by reminding myself that if I did this, then I would be of no help to that little girl at all, and my focus HAD TO BE on what I could do to help her.

So I finished the job and went on my way. It took most of the hour drive back to my shop where I drop off my company car and get into mine to wind down and start to get a little clarity. Very little.

The next day I saw the mother of this girl when I went in to get coffee and she said Hi and was going to start into something meant to be light hearted and funny and I placed my hand on her arm and said "You have got to get your children away from your Mother in Law".

And into the discussion I realized that she was aware of what her MIL is and felt powerless to affect it because of her husband. I told her it was time to grow up. I then wrote down my name and number and gave it to her and told her to give it to her Attorney and that I would be a witness.

Now, a few days later, I am thinking that I need to file a report with Child Protective Services. I believe that this poor young woman has been brow beaten into acceptance of the unacceptable and cannot be trusted to actually move forward.

Because it takes a village to raise a child. And that means that sometimes the village needs to intervene. We MUST protect our Children and Stop Protecting the Adults that Abuse them. We must Value our Children, even those that are not ours, more than we value the Adults who are making the CHOICE to Blame and Abuse instead of Heal.

These adults are adults and can answer for their choices. Why must we keep making Children Answer for the Adults Choices? Answer for the rest of their Lives.

Because we can learn to heal from it, we can cherish the inner child and try to heal them, but it never goes away, and we have to deal with the after affects for the rest of our lives.

Is it not time we stopped that shit?

We must Love each other or die. And it starts with loving our children, even those not of our blood or tribe or neighborhood. Teach them how to Love by Loving them enough to risk ones self in order to protect them.

We MUST Love each other. It is the Only Rational Act.