No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

 When I was growing up I often felt like I was being made wrong all the time. That everything that I did, thought, and felt, was wrong. I could do nothing right.

This lead to certain ways of being that were not healthy for my Body, Mind, or Spirit.

It certainly helped my addiction to my imagination, which was already in full swing, to get even more entrenched. I also began to act out in ways that were really disguised (From me anyway) Anger and Self Hatred. And my silent, mostly, defiance of any type of Authority Figure amped up tremendously. All of this was very disruptive for my whole life in every aspect.

And I became, if it is possible, and it was and is, even more isolated from the human race and all of those who I know today did, and still do, actually Love me.

After many years of abusing myself with behaviors, drugs, relationships, etc, I finally began to work on all the things that made my life such as I felt that I had to numb it. Many moons later and I am still working on it.

A few weeks ago I wrote about experiencing rage because of an abusive situation at a place where I did a job. And I wrote about how I managed to not act on that rage and get out without showing what I knew. And then how I talked to the Mother for about 3 minutes the next day.

Well, update. I did not go up there again for about 2 weeks. When I did I talked with the Mom again for about 3 minutes. And I understood that she was going to do nothing. So, mistake number 1, I told her that she could expect a visit (From the State). I was still trying to give her a chance to do the right thing. I understand her and her feeling of being unable to affect any change.

I called the state to make a report that night. That was 2 Mondays ago.

On Friday afternoon I received a call from my manager telling me to come back to the hub as we needed to have a chat. I sent a text to my two Union Reps asking if they knew what was going on. They indicated that they did not.

I got to the hub and there was another person waiting for me. I knew this person. They explained that they were there representing the Union on my behalf and asking if I knew what was going on. I did not.

We went into the meeting and my manager had another manager there with him. The first thing he did was ask me if I remembered working a job at a certain address and on a certain date. As soon as I heard the date I knew what this was about as I had that date in my mind a lot. It was the day that I experienced the young girl getting abused by her Grandmother and about which I had called the state.

The Grandmother had filed a huge complaint with the company about me. Some of it made up out of whole cloth and some with a bit of truth and a huge slant in it. And they had filed a complaint with that towns police as well.

The result of the interrogation is that I have been put on suspension pending the outcome of the investigation. I walked out and got in my car and left.

I will put big money on that I will never walk into that job again.

So, by trying to do the right thing to help a six year old girl I am being punished. Thus the title of this piece.

Because whatever deity there might be forbid that we actually call an abuser an abuser. Let us never hold an abuser accountable. Oh no.

Let us continue to let abusers continue to destroy children as long as they do it within the family and keep the generational trauma going. We must never hold them to account and try help the children being bent into something else by an adult. Oh no.

So I am losing my job and a bright, inquisitive, six year old girl that loves to dress up as her favorite Disney characters will continue to be abused because we, as a society, value the Adult Abuser more that the child that is being abused.

I am so beyond disgusted by this.