Being Poor and Homeless is Expensive

 When I was born my family, while not classically poor, would be classified as that. Everything  got stretched and there was never quite enough of anything.

Thru a series of things we all got older.

And when I was 14 thru 16 my Mum shipped me off to relatives several times. I was a "troubled" kid. What was really going on was I was starting to grow into a man and the fight between my step father and I was coming.

And it was going to be nasty and bloody with, quite possibly, death being involved.

The last time this happened I was 16 years old and it was the beginning of February 1980. She sent me to my father who lived outside of Toronto Ontario.

Five years before, when my older brother was 16, she had shipped him off to our father and things had worked out well. My brother had a good experience and some good things happened.

The situation was very different five years later, in February of 1980, when I went up there.

After 10 or 11 days on a very cold February night my Father invited the OPP (Ontario Police Patrol) to escort me off the property. I could tell the officers felt bad, and the law supported my Father, so they did their job.

I was homeless in the Greater Toronto area for the next ten months until middle December of 1980.

And these are the things that I learned, many years later looking back, from that experience.

Being Poor and Homeless is Expensive. It is expensive in every way. Body, Mind, Spirit, and, of course, Financially.

So let's take a look at each one.

Body) One does not eat a lot. And when one does eat it is usually not very healthy food. In fact, I would not call it food for the most part. So a very poor and intermitant diet. And, one is constantly moving. One cannot stay in a place very long as it draws attention from official figures. IE: Police. So being exausted becomes a way of life. One is never warm enough. Cold is also a way of life. And finally, dirty and smelly. When one is not able to clean up, shower and wash clothes, one usually becomes nasty pretty quick. Does not want to be. Not a lot of, if any, choice in the matter. And forget about Doctors or any Health Care. One gets sick one hopes one was able to survive it.

Mind) Depression is a state of being. At least it was for me. A deep depression that ate the mind and, as will be talked about in a bit, destroyed the soul. Feeling good was just not part of the deal. No wonder so many homeless people use drugs, and yes, that includes the drug alcohol. Just trying to be ok for a moment. One also does not dare make any plans. It is the here and now only as the only goal for this moment is survival. And what your mind is able to do is sluggish as well. No sharp thinking. Being exausted and tired, cold and hungry, all the time diminishes ones mental capacities. Thinking is really a thing of the past.

Spirit) Life truly is empty and meaningless. And most definately NOT in the triumphent fashion that is taught in Landmark. It is empty because the only purpose is surviving in this moment. Trying to get enough food, shelter, or whatever else one needs, to survive right now. And when survival is your only meaning and goal then there is no room for any other meaning or goal. Ones spirit becomes a void that is empty of everything and anything that points to a higher mode of living. It is the emptiness of purpose and total lack of meaning that I think helps people to get to a place of suicide.

I am amazed that people hang on for as long as they do in these circumstances. It does point to the resiliance of the Human Spirit.

Financially) One is ALWAYS broke. Trying to get enough money to not starve or freeze to death is a constant struggle. And, the places where one can go are more expensive. I find it fascinating that rich people can command the best prices and poor people have to take what they can get. A perfect example, just recently I was looking into a storage space. I was staggered by how much they cost these days. I asked the guy at the place I finally selected and his exact words were "Demand is so high..." They charge more because they can get away with it. Poor people, especially homeless people, have no recourse except to pay the inflated prices. Our financial systems are rigged. And the burdon of life gets heavier the further down the income scale that you fall.

There is more. I could write a lot more. The utter hopelessness that one experiences each moment, the despair when something happens that blocks anything good. The predators that stalk the younger people, especially the females. And you get the point I hope.

So why am I writing this now? Because it is long past time maybe. Because here in our little Vermont town we have a big homeless population and I see a lot of anger directed at them in the local paper and online forums. Yes. All this has bearing. However, that ain't it.

On February 1st I joined the ranks of the homeless again.

The biggest issue is lack of housing and it is priced out of my reach.

Now, this time things are different. I have a car. No matter how cold it gets I can warm up. I am out of the wind so I do not have to find shelter and be cold all the time. I have some money, not much, so I am not starving to death. I have friends and family that are giving me places to sleep, shower, and wash clothes.

And because of these things I am not facing any where near as many mental health burdons as I did before.

And it is still difficult. As, I am sure, you can almost imagine.

So folks, please have some understanding. No one who is homeless just woke up one day and decided to live a life on the edge of dieing. Homelessness is not a choice. There are so many factors leading into this and most of you have no understanding of it at all.

Just show some compassion please. That is all that I ask.