A.F.G.E.

Pronounced "Af Gee"

For many years I was in emotional and spiritual pain. One of the main reasons was I was locked into a way of being that was never changing. I would change my outward appearance, my outward manner, everything about the outer world, and inwardly nothing would change. I was still the sad, scared, angry and self pitying little boy who was just trying to fit in.

Eventually, in my young thirties, I hit an emotional and spiritual bottom. And in that moment had a very stark choice. Either live and become something other than what I was at that moment, something greater although I did not know that, or die and get it over with.

I chose to live. I had just enough want to live to be able to make that choice. It was a really close thing.

And I began learning how to live. I used 12 Step Recovery for the most part. I also participated in a few other transformational methodologies along the way. And the 12 Steps of Narcotics Anonymous is my grounding. It is where I live.

I have also learned that personal growth, Mental and Spiritual Growth, is a painful process. It involves looking deeply into ones own self, and no where else, and seeing where I have taken a wrong turn, owning that wrong turn and all the impact it has had on the world and people around me, amending that wrong turn to the best of my ability, and then amending the relationships that I have damaged along the way.

And getting to the place where I am willing to do this usually involves some level of Mental/Emotional pain. And while the pain levels needed to kick this process in has gone way down, from near death to ouch that sucks, it is still a painful process.

And being a person of Recovery I get to experience these things on a fairly regular basis.

Some years ago a friend of mine introduced me to the term "A.F.G.E.". That stands for "Another F***ing Growth Experience".

And I think that term is entirely apropos.

Why? Because real growth, not just wallowing in the feelings without doing anything, which can "feel" like awareness and is not, requires that one be uncomfortable.

So why am I writing this? I can "hear" the question. I'm not just psychotic anymore. I am also psychic 😂

Because I am in the middle of A.F.G.E. And it is uncomfortable.

Fortunately I was able to have dinner with a friend last night and among other things we discussed what is going on with me. And this wonderful person was able to give me some humor and, better yet, perspective.

And, for me, that is the key to any A.F.G.E. My people. Sometimes Family, sometimes Friends, sometimes Recovery Peeps who have walked this path with me, and sometimes people whom I would never expect.

It is always people though. It is my Communities. Without my communities I would have been done a long time ago.

We all need our communities. We are the Human Animal. The Animal that creates Communities. When we are alone we die. When we are in Community we Survive and even Thrive.

And my best and biggest Community is the human Community. I am a Human Being and my Tribe is All of Us. All Mankind.

What is Your Community?