Living in Fear

 As anyone who has followed me in this blog, even a little, knows, I have spent my life being in fear, being engulfed by fear, and trying to learn how to live with, and not act because of, fear.

In recovery we have a couple of acronyms for fear. The first is F*** Everything And Run. That is addiction and sometimes our life. The other is Face Everything And Recover. That is Recovery, and sometimes our life. In the world outside of recovery the second one is often used as Face Everything And Rise. And again, whatever each person is using for self improvement, and sometimes their life.

For a good chunk of my life, especially childhood into my thirties, I was consumed by and acted in my FEAR. I made decisions that were based in what I was afraid of and had no hope in them at all. In every area of my life fear ruled and consumed me.

And I was totally blind to this. I went through my life thinking that I was intelligent, which I am, and acted from sound thinking, which I was not. I knew that I "sometimes" experienced fear. I had no idea to what depths I experienced fear or the duration, always, and depth of this.

I had no idea that most, not quite all, of my choices were to run away from things because I was motivated by fear. Classic "F*** Everything And Run" response.

I did not understand that in 99.9 percent of the times where I was "Procrastinating" I was actually frozen in fear and this was the only running away that I could do.

So everything in my life was affected by, ruled buy, fear. And I was oblivious.

Which lead to some really weird situations.

I would get into some terrible situations trying to prove to myself that I was not afraid, completely unconsciously because I was still oblivious.

In the last two decades and a half, about, I have been, slowly, learning how to recognize fear, face fear, and not act in fear. It is a, for me, long and slow process with many backslides. It is in "Procrastination" that I have my biggest struggles.

And, like all things that are worthwhile, it is not always easy, or fulfilling, and sometimes I want to give up and say F*** it. I have not yet done this.

And as I reflect on these things I am looking at the world around me and I am seeing so many similarities in our political situation.

We have two sides that are living in FEAR. And those fears are being fed continuously by the party and a certain "News" outlet and talk radio along with some "news" websites on one side and by the party and the "Main Stream Media" on the other side.

We have one side so afraid that they are being replaced and eliminated by people who have been made "Other" by "Trusted Sources" that are lying to them, and that those people when replacing them will treat them as those people had been treated by us in the power structure, and fed rage to counter act those fears.

And we have another side that is so afraid of being called "Liberal" that they go overboard in the other direction to make sure that they cannot be called that. And are anyway.

And both of them are living in fear, and I see this from what they say and what they do. On one side what they are responding to running away from something and in the other side in what they are responding to and what they are running toward.

How can I say these things? Because I recognize it when I see it. As one who has "been there and done that with all the scars and t-shirts to prove it" I recognize what I see. And I am sure that the people who I am speaking of would be outraged at my saying it and applying it to them.

Because one of the ways that I disguised my fear was anger. Or even Rage. And these folks on one side are angry. And when one is angry and afraid then one can be manipulated pretty badly.

These folks are always talking about what they are against, what they are afraid of. They cannot get behind anything that does not involve punishing in, in some way or another, those people, places, and things, that they think have made them angry/afraid.

For every solution that does not involve punishment they have a problem. If they cannot get their revenge/punishment on those whom they hold responsible then it is not a solution. It is only a problem that will acerbate the problem. So they believe.

And in running away from being labelled something, Liberal, the folks on the other side are running away, in many cases, from who they are in order to not get tagged with a label that they are getting tagged with anyway. And they just seem to believe that if they can explain things just a little clearer then maybe they won't get tagged with that dreaded L word. And it is not working.

And so we see both sides of the political spectrum driven by fear. And they keep, in different ways, saying F*** Everything And Run.

And we, the Electorate, are just as liable as the two political parties.

On one side we have a cantankerous bunch who will throw their best and brightest overboard, or, as has been said before me, have a circular firing squad, killing our best hopes the second they do something we think will get them criticized by the media.

And the other side is so scared of appearing weak and afraid that they will follow the most Authoritarian "Leaders" that will make the most noise about keeping them "safe" from those they have been convinced are their enemy that they are selling our country, and what freedom we have left, to the Nazis. The people who want to have Ein Volk, Ein Reich, und Ein Führer.

We, the American Voter, must put a stop to this. Which means, we must stop taking council of our fears. We must, Face Everything And Recover. Or Face Everything And Rise. Depending on where we are.

And that means that each and every one of us must do the inside work needed to walk through our fear, to face it, and see it for what it really is.

Not look outside at others and feed our fears and resentments, look inside our own selves and see our own part in things.

And finally, when our old fears show up, acknowledge that we are afraid, which is the last thing anyone wants to do, and refuse to act in those fears.

And you can believe that I know exactly how difficult that can be. I do.

And yet, when we do this, that is where our power truly lies. On the other side of Fear, is Power. The Power to Be Effective in our Own Lives and have an Effect on the Lives of those around us.

To have Faith in Ourselves and those around us.

Now, doesn't that sound like a much nicer, kinder, gentler World?

It is a World that I would very gladly live in.

What about YOU?