R.O.I.

 = Return On Investment

The above term is a Financial slash Capitalistic term. What it means is the amount that is made when investing in something. When some one says that "It has a large ROI" that is what they are talking about.

And for many years that is how I saw it. There never seemed to be any reason to expand what it was talking about at all. Pretty straight forward and in no need of being anything else.

Right? Possibly not. Let me explain.

Just recently I was contemplating about the end of relationships, all of them, not just romantic ones, and wondering why some of us have such a hard time letting go of relationships when the time has come to let it go. I have held on to relationships in my life long after they have actually hit the expiration date. And I know a lot of other people who have done this as well.

I suspect that if everyone took an honest look into their lives that at least Ninety Five percent of the Human Race would be able to spot a relationship that they held onto for too long. It was expired and gettin' stinky and yet they could not let go. No data for that. It is just a feeling that I have.

And as I was contemplating these things I began to see some things.

And one of the major reasons that I did not want to let go of a relationship, and again, I am not just talking about Romantic Relationships, I am talking about all of my Relationships, is that I had invested so much of myself into these relationships. And I did not want to "be a failure" again. I had "been a failure" for all my life it seemed and I did not want to do that again.

There was also an element of desperation in this. In so many ways I did not have relationships. What I had were hostage situations. I was so afraid to let you go because I would then "be alone" again. Or, I was afraid you would figure who I really was and reject me so I did it first. Either way I had to be "in control". Being alone was just not something that I could handle. And being in any sort of relationship was not something that I knew how to do.

And that shows that no matter what type of relationship we are talking about I had an ROI in mind. I did not have relationships that were without expectation. Of whatever sort that was. It was always about "What have you done for me lately"?

Even if the only expectation was I would not quite feel so alone. And no matter who your were and what type of relationship we had, loneliness was a ruling part of my life. And the terror of that just whipsawed me so bad.

FEAR. That is what everything was.

Many moons later and the fears have not left. I am still afraid that I will be alone. Although being by myself, and yes, there is a difference, does not scare me any more. In many ways I prefer it. And I am still afraid that you will figure me out after you get to know me and leave.

I have gotten much better at walking through those fears, managing them, and not acting in them any more.

And the only ROI I am concerned with today is that we have an emotionally healthy relationship. In that I am much more liable to let a relationship go when it is time and work with the other person in that relationship to fix the relationship if it is possible.

I am not anywhere near as driven by FEAR in Relationships as I have been. The fear n longer consumes me as it used to.

Am I perfect at this? You know that the answer to that question is No. If I were perfect I would be dead and sitting in some paradise or something. No. I am merely a Human Being doing as good a job in each moment as is possible in that moment to be a better Human than I have been before. That is all any of us can do.

So, in your relationships, what is your expected ROI?