Being a Failure Versus Failing

 For a very big chunk of my life I felt like a failure. It was not something that I talked about or allowed myself to think about. As far as I was concerned, way deep down inside that totally unacknowledged part of me, it just was the way my life was. There was no need to think, discuss, or do anything about it because that was just life.

A very fatalistic point of view.

And I went thru life Being A Failure, performing actions that gave me the evidence I needed to prove myself right.

A very Self Defeating circle.

Essentially my life was circling the drain like a toilet bowl that has been flushed.

And I felt like there was nothing that I could do about it. And everything that I did and felt reinforced that feeling that there was nothing that I could do. But, of course, there was something that I could do about it.

And one day, in my young 30's, I began that journey of transitioning my life from circling the toilet bowl to being something that I could actually feel was worth living.

I began to grow up.

And I began to see that while I was Being a Failure in my own mind what was really happening was that I kept setting myself up to Fail and then seeing that as Evidence to support the supposition that I Am A Failure.

And I was introduced to, and began to see the truth of, the idea that when one is looking for evidence to support a pre arrived at conclusion one is always going to find that evidence. Every time.

Because I "knew" that I was a failure then I was always going to find evidence that I "am" a failure.

A closed circle can only see itself.

Over time, and with a lot of pain, because growing can be painful, the closed circle began to open. New ideas and ways of being become to become reality. A whole new existence became possible and over time reality.

And I began to recognize that I was never a Failure. That I had Failed many times. And the only reason that I was a Failure was because I had designated myself as such and lived it to make sure of it.

The difference between Being A Failure and Failing is my Internal Dialogue.

If I take a Failure and tell myself that I am a Failure then I am entirely correct and will find plenty of evidence to support that point of view.

If I recognize that something has Failed and then look for the lesson to be learned and the mistakes to be avoided in the future then I can Learn and Grow.

It all depends entirely on where I am going to live.

So, the Difference between Being A Failure and just having Failed, is Me.

Am I Success or a Failure? Depends on my Internal Dialogue and Mental State.

So what about you? Are you a Success or a Failure?

Your Choice.