We Have A Choice

 I went to a meeting of Narcotics Anonymous tonight. Not unusual. I have been in Recovery from Addiction for a long time and NA is where I go to get it.

After the meeting I was sharing with a newcomer. This person had shared something in the meeting that I have experience with. So we talked. And during that discussion I said something that I remember was said to me a long time ago, that I found to be one of the most important things that I have ever heard, that I share a lot now with newcomers.

I said, "You never have to use again. Even if you want to, you don't have to. You have a choice today".

And that is true. Once an addict stops using, the substance, behavior, or whatever they are using in order to run away from life, then a whole world of possibilities open up for their life.

I know this is true. And I believe that when I say this to another the depth of that experience carries through so that they can actually believe it is possible for themselves.

Over the years I also have come to understand that I always have a choice. There is never a situation in which I do not have a choice. And I can hear you asking what about...? And I get it, there are times when things happen that are totally and completely outside of your control. And it feels like "I have no choice here".

And I say that you do. I do. We all do.

And, at it's most fundamental level, the choice is whether I React or I Respond. And for those of you who are struggling with this concept let give you some examples of what I mean.

When I React I am going through a series of Pre Programmed Responses to a situation. There is no actual thought, no deliberation, just reaction. 

In the Dictionary definition, or in this case the dictionary.com definition, reaction is defined as follows:

1. 1. a reverse movement or tendency; an action in a reverse direction or manner.
   2. a movement in the direction of political conservatism or extreme rightism.
   3. action in response to some influence, event, etc.: the nation's reaction to the president's speech.
   4. Physiology. action in response to a stimulus, as of the system or of a nerve, muscle, etc.
   5. Bacteriology, Immunology. the specific cellular response to foreign matter, as in testing for allergies.
   6. Also called chemical reaction. Chemistry. the reciprocal action of chemical agents upon each other; chemical change.
   7. Also called nuclear reaction. Physics. a process in which a nucleus that is bombarded by a photon, particle, or other nucleus, emits a nucleon, alpha particle, or the like, without a significant change in its atomic weight.
   8. Mechanics. the instantaneous response of a system to an applied force, manifested as the exertion of a force equal in magnitude but opposite in direction to the applied force.
   9. Commerce. a decline in the market after an advance in prices.

I like definitions 1, 4, and 6 in this context. I also recognize that it has more to it. Because a Reaction is an Autonomic Response. It just happens like a switch is flipped and the lights come on. A thing happens, I react.

And then we have response. In my world a Response is a Pause. It is where I take a breathe, and, instead of just having an autonomic response, I use reason to choose what will happen next. I Think before I act. I do my best to have the most appropriate course of action to whatever person, place, or event that just happened in front of me.

In the dictionary.com definition it says:

1. An answer or reply, as in words or in some action

2. Biology. Any behavior of a living organism that results from an external or internal stimulus.

3.Ecclesiastical: A verse, sentence, or phrase, or word said or sung by the choir or congregation in reply to the officiant

4. Bridge. A bid based on an evaluation of one's hand relative to the previous bid of one's partner.

And for this context I think that definition 4 is actually the closest to what I mean.

Because that is what I am talking about here. Having an automatic and instant reaction or having a reasoned and considered response based on an evaluation of what is happening in this moment.

In my experience there has never been a good reaction. Because, for me, a Reaction is automatic, based in past experience and not in the present, and, in every case that I am aware of, driven by very heavy and negative emotion.

Whereas a Response is reasoned, considered, and while noting the emotions is not driven by that emotion. It might do the very same thing that a Reaction would do, and it would do for solid reasons based in the Present instead of the Past.

Now the most important part of Choosing begins with Acceptance. In order to have a Choice I must first Accept that the Person, Place, Thing, or Situation in front of me is exactly as It Is and Is Not. I cannot be in Denial about any aspect of this. If I accept it then I can choose freely if I want or not. If I deny anything about the person, place, thing, or situation in front of me then I have no choice.

One cannot choose freely if one is not Based In Reality in that moment.

So, we all have choices. And most people refuse to believe it. I know that there have been times when I refused to believe it.

I know for me that it was in places where I did not believe that I had any choice were the places where I gave up my power of choice and thus made it a Self Fulfilling Prophecy. My belief in my own lack of power meant that I had no power. And I could have no effect on my life.

And, another reason that I would think that I have no power in a situation is that I really did not want any power in that situation. Because if I actually had power then I was responsible for doing what is needed to take care of it in whatever way was needed. And I, for whatever reasons, was afraid of the unknown that would be after dealing with the situation. As the old saying goes, "Better the hell we know than the heaven we don't".

So what it comes down to is Being Responsible for my Life. And guess what, it is an Either/Or situation. Either I am Responsible for my Life, Or I am not. There is no middle ground.

And my Actions, Attitudes, and Behaviors will tell everyone whether or not I am Being Responsible for my Life or whether I am Blaming Outside Sources for my Life.

Again, no in between. It is an Either/Or.

And another Guess What, I cannot be responsible for some parts of my life and be blaming for other parts of my life. I am, we are, all in on one or the other.

So today, What am I Being?

Well, look at my life. You will see.

We all have a choice.

What are you choosing today?