Control By Any Other Name

I was reading one of those things that have been showing up on my Social Media pages lately that are "inspiring" stories of people throwing off chains that have been forged by "family obligations". I usually find them interesting in that the lengths that the people in these stories have allowed themselves to get to in order to be manipulated is usually pretty fantastic.

Not saying that it cannot, or does not, happen to that extent, I just find it amazing that people have this little self awareness that they allow themselves to be put into these positions.

And I digress.

Near the end of one of these stories the protagonist said "Martyrdom is just control in a nicer outfit".

That landed for me pretty heavily. I could identify with the statement for a lot of different reasons.

I have been a person that manipulates others, in a very nasty way, in order to get what I want from them. And I have, at times, been surrounded by people who manipulate me in order for them to get what they want from me.

And let us be clear, any form of manipulation is control. When one is manipulating another or others one is trying to control an outcome for whatever purpose there is within the situation.

So let us see what the definition of Martyr is. Thank you dictionary.com:

noun

a person who willingly suffers death rather than renounce their religion.

1. a person who is put to death or endures great suffering on behalf of any belief, principle, or cause.

   Her death has made her a martyr to the cause of social justice.

2. a person who undergoes severe or constant suffering.

   The patient was a martyr to severe headaches.

3. a person who seeks sympathy or attention by feigning or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc.

4. 
   

verb (used with object)

1. to persecute for supporting a belief or cause, especially by putting to death.

2. to torment or torture.

In this context I think that the third definition, "a person who seeks sympathy or attention by feigning or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc," is the closest to what we are talking about.

And Martyrdom is, in my opinion, one of the worst. Because when one is using Being a Martyr as a manipulation tool then one is painting a picture of themselves as a Selfless Giver in order to make everyone else's life better.

When, in actuality, what one is doing is trying to make others feel a sense of Obligation so that they will then behave in a fashion to your benefit.

Thus, the "Nicer Outfit".

And I remember this time, NOT in band camp :-), when I was Being a Martyr in order to try and make these other people feel obligated to me about a thing. And the payoff was going to be pretty substantial in my mind.

And I could not understand why the person that I was trying to manipulate was not feeling it and doing what I wanted with the sense of gratitude that I thought they should display.

One of the main reasons that I was having such a hard time with their lack of "gratitude" and cooperation was that I truly believed that I was exactly as I was presenting myself to be. I was able to convince myself, any time that I was lying about something, that I was absolutely truthful and a good person. That I deserved your acclimation and praise and, of course, whatever outcome I was trying to achieve.

And that is Being a Martyr. Presenting as Noble and, Being Manipulative in reality.

And the worst thing is, most martyr never get to actually see themselves as they are. They go to their graves believing the presentation of Selfless Nobility that they have presented to the world. And especially to themselves.

Manipulation of others is a bad thing. Manipulation thru Being a Martyr is a whole 'nother level in my view.

So how does one recognize that one is a manipulator? Or a manipulator thru martyrdom?

Very good question.

For me it took my life bottoming out completely to where either I was just going to end it all or I was going to ask for help and do things differently.

It is scary how close it came to being the first option.

So there it is. My rant about manipulation and martyrdom.

I hope that you, my Dear reader, were able to see whatever you needed to see in this.

Or just enjoyed it while shaking your head.

Either works for me ✌

Namaste