Peopling. Ugh :-(

 There is, and have been, family visiting. Over the last few weeks there have been a lot of family visiting. And, to be clear, these are all people that I love and who's company I genuinely enjoy. They are extending invitations for me to join them in activities. And they are not asking me to do anything that I don't, usually, like doing.

And I am finding myself really not wanting to do these things at all.

So what the f**k is wrong with me?

Wrong question. The real question is "What the f**k is going on with me"?

So, there is a lot going on with me.

And for the most part it has to do with I am really "unwell" financially and it effecting every area of my life. Including my mood and etc. Most visibly, I do not want to interact with people at all. And little things that would not normally be a deal are just irritating as hell. And other things that are minorly irritating that usually I handle without a lot of stress are just majorly irritating and I am biting my tongue a lot.

Nobody deserves me being an idiot on them just because I am not happy (Then which one are you? 😂)

I am, and have been, in a depressive episode as well. Depression is something that I have had to deal with for a long time. And it exacerbated by my current financial situation.

And do not even get me started on my total lack of anything resembling a romantic life. I have been trying to live life without and not seeking, just preparing, if that makes sense, and with everything else it also appears as a lack.

Which means, I am totally unfit for any romantic relationship at this point.

And I am isolating myself as well. Which is never good for a person such as myself.

As I have put it, I am just not peopling well at all.

So people. Not a fan right now. Which is no one else's fault. Because this ain't about you. This is about me.

And finally folks, I wrote this for me. I am sharing it with you because I want to. I do not want or need you to fix this. That is not for you either. I have people.

I recovery we talk about Being Discontent. And that is where I am right now.

This too shall pass.

Just not as fast as I wish it would.

May the Force be with you all ✌💖