A Variety of Thoughts About Everything

Throughout my life I have been in places where I feel like I have finally become someone and feel like I am finally able to just be. And then it all falls apart and somewhere down the road I find that I have gone thru another transformation, and that I have now become something other than I was. And then I settle down again to another time of Being. And the trap is that I then think that I have arrived, that this is it. And feel as if there are no more transformations left now. The problem with that is that then gets me into a place of Being Stuck. And, as anyone who has ever had a car stuck in deep and sticky mud or clay knows, once one is stuck it is difficult to get moving again. It usually, almost always, requires assistance. And, for me, Asking for assistance, asking for help, is the one thing one must never do. When I was young, very young, I learned that one cannot ask for help. One will never get it. In fact, one will usually get the exact opposite of help. What I could not see...

I was watching a blurb on a video channel from a fairly popular streaming show today. The scene was an elderly man talking to his very elderly Father and inviting him into his home for what is left of his life after years of estrangement. And at the end the Father said to the Son something to the effect of "I don't deserve this". And the Son replied "What does deserve got to do with it Pops"? And that kicked off a line of thinking that lead to this. A long time ago I went to a city that I had never been to before to visit family. A big event was happening and family from all over was coming to be a part of it. At that time I had about three and a half years in recovery from addiction. And one of the things that I had been taught from the beginning is to find a meeting when in a strange place. Well, this was a strange place indeed :-). So I called the local hotline. They told where there was a meeting about 15 minutes away from where I was in a little over an hou...