Tranformation and Becoming

Throughout my life I have been in places where I feel like I have finally become someone and feel like I am finally able to just be.

And then it all falls apart and somewhere down the road I find that I have gone thru another transformation, and that I have now become something other than I was.

And then I settle down again to another time of Being. And the trap is that I then think that I have arrived, that this is it. And feel as if there are no more transformations left now.

The problem with that is that then gets me into a place of Being Stuck.

And, as anyone who has ever had a car stuck in deep and sticky mud or clay knows, once one is stuck it is difficult to get moving again. It usually, almost always, requires assistance.

And, for me, Asking for assistance, asking for help, is the one thing one must never do. When I was young, very young, I learned that one cannot ask for help. One will never get it. In fact, one will usually get the exact opposite of help.

What I could not see, I was young and locked into my own self already, was that everyone in my family was going thru their own stuff. That we were all turning into people who did not really trust and could not ask for help. We were all being shaped by our lives in ways that, today, are horrifying. In those days it was just Tuesday.

And I stayed locked into that place for a long time. I took a path while locked into that way of being that was very hurtful to anyone around me. And I really believed that this was going to be my life until I died.

Well, turned out to not be so.

A series of events and feelings pushed me to the point where I was in so much angst and pain that it was either kill myself or radically transform my Self and my Life.

And, fortunately, I had 51% want to live and 49% want to just end it. It was really that close.

And I began a path of transformation of myself and my life. That path is still unfolding. It is a lifetime path. As any transformative journey is.

And throughout this journey I have hit a number of plateaus.

And at each and every one of them I have run the risk of Being Stuck in that place.

Because here is the lesson that I keep having to learn, each place that I am stuck, no matter how comfortable that it is, is a place where Growth, Change, Transformation, has ceased. It is no more. I am just being alive and comfortable.

I remember hearing a long time ago, and I laughed along with the rest of the room when the person said it, that when this person gets into a rut they then put up wallpaper, hang a few curtains, get a recliner, order cable and pizza, and settle right down to enjoy life. I really identified with that "joke".

Some time later another person was talking about being stuck in a rut and they said that "Meat at rest rots". And I felt that in every fiber of my being. Even though I was incapable of articulating that sentiment at that time I knew on a very deep level that this was, and is, true.

And yet, after every transformation I feel a need to rest for a "minute" and collect myself. Let this new way of being that I have adapted settle in. The trick is to not stay there. To not get stuck.

Transformation and Becoming are two sides of a coin. And we, as Human Beings, need to continue our own personal journey of Transformation and Becoming until we Transform into whatever is after this life.

I truly believe this based on personal and shared experience.

So, a few questions for you. Questions that I need to keep asking myself. And sometimes actually remember to do so:

• Where am/are I/you stuck today?
• Why am/are I/you ok with staying here?
• What is keeping I/you in this place?

It is questions like this, sometimes asking myself and sometimes others asking me, which keeps me from sitting in one place for so long that I get truly smelly. I have, and need, a community to keep me going. If you do not have one then I suggest that you find one.

So this one is kinda disjointed and in no way up to my usual "standards". And that is where I am at today. I am feeling disconnected in a lot of ways and cannot quite see why.

And, as with all things, this too shall pass.

So, my Dear readers, I hope that you had a Great Day of Thanks in November, a wonderful and joyous Hannukah, Kwanza, Christmas, or any other Holiday, or no holiday, in December, and wish for you all the Best in Life for the New Year we are about to enter.

Namaste 🙏