What does deserve got to do with it?

I was watching a blurb on a video channel from a fairly popular streaming show today. The scene was an elderly man talking to his very elderly Father and inviting him into his home for what is left of his life after years of estrangement. And at the end the Father said to the Son something to the effect of "I don't deserve this". And the Son replied "What does deserve got to do with it Pops"?

And that kicked off a line of thinking that lead to this.

A long time ago I went to a city that I had never been to before to visit family. A big event was happening and family from all over was coming to be a part of it.

At that time I had about three and a half years in recovery from addiction. And one of the things that I had been taught from the beginning is to find a meeting when in a strange place. Well, this was a strange place indeed :-).

So I called the local hotline. They told where there was a meeting about 15 minutes away from where I was in a little over an hour from then. And one of my sisters, who lived there and had spent some time in the friends and family members recovery fellowship, who had heard me repeat back the address offered to take me there. I gratefully accepted.

At the meeting it was seven or eight ladies from the recovery house across the street, who were all very new in recovery, and in various stages of being pregnant, and myself. It was a topic discussion meeting and the person leading the meeting made the topic for discussion Deserve.

And she started by talking about why she wanted that topic, about how she "Deserved" good things that were happening in her life. And how she, just by starting the process of getting her life together without the use of drugs had "earned" the right to a happy life.

And then all the rest of the ladies shared. And they talked about what they deserved and why. And it all came down to they now deserved a great life because they had chosen to do what the so called normal people do from the beginning, live their lives as regular human being without the use of substances. To live a "normal" life.

And I was troubled by this. So when it was my turn to share I talked about when I first came into recovery, how I felt like I deserved all the pain and confusion that I was feeling, how I did not feel like I deserved the air that I was breathing, how I was not at all deserving of the Love and Acceptance with which I was received in recovery, how I felt that I had to earn everything that I was given after so many years of being a drain on society and a danger to everyone around me.

I then talked about the "joke" that is common around recovery that if I got everything that I truly deserved I would be locked up for the rest of my life. That the Gift Of Desperation had allowed me to take some Good Orderly Direction from a Group Of Druggies.

And then I talked about the (then) present day. How I felt like I had been given the gift of Grace, if you insist on adding a deity to that grace then so be it, which I identified as An Undeserved Gift, in my recovery.

And I still believe that I continue to receive the Unmerited Gift of Recovery.

In order to see the word I went to Dictionary.com and looked up the word Grace. It is as follows:

Noun
1) elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.
     We watched her skate with effortless grace across the ice.
    Synonyms: class , refinement , charm , attractiveness
2) a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.
    He lacked the manly graces.
3) favor or goodwill.
    Synonyms: benevolence , benignity , love , kindliness , kindness
4) a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior.
    It was only through the dean's grace that I wasn't expelled from school.
    Synonyms: charity , forgiveness
    Antonyms: disfavor , enmity , animosity
5) mercy; clemency; pardon.
    He was saved by an act of grace from the governor.
    Synonyms: reprieve , leniency , leniency , lenity , lenity
6) favor shown in granting a delay or temporary immunity.
7) an allowance of time after a debt or bill has become payable granted to the debtor before suit can be brought against them or a penalty applied.

    The life insurance premium is due today, but we have 31 days' grace before the policy lapses.

8) Theology.
   a) the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.
   b) the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.
   c) a virtue or excellence of divine origin.
      the Christian graces.
   d) Also called state of grace.  the condition of being in God's favor or one of the elect.
9) moral strength.
    the grace to perform a duty.
10 )a short prayer before or after a meal, in which a blessing is asked and thanks are given.
    Grandfather will now say grace.
11) Usually Grace a formal title used in addressing or mentioning a duke, duchess, or archbishop, and formerly also a sovereign (usually preceded by your, his, etc.).
12) Classical Mythology.  Graces, the goddesses of beauty, daughters of Zeus and Eurynome, worshiped in Greece as the Charities and in Rome as the Gratiae.
13) Music.  grace note.

Verb (used with object)

graced, gracing

1) to lend or add grace to; adorn.

    Many fine paintings graced the rooms of the house.

    Synonyms: enhance , ornament , decorate , deck , beautify , embellish

    Antonyms: demean , desecrate , disfigure
2) to favor or honor.

    to grace an occasion with one's presence.

    Synonyms: exalt , elevate , glorify

    Antonyms: dishonor , disrespect

Idioms:

1) fall from grace,

    a) Theology. to relapse into sin or disfavor.

    b) to lose favor; be discredited.

     He fell from grace when the boss found out he had lied.

2) but for the grace of God,  under less fortunate circumstances.

    But for the grace of God, the brick that just fell from the roof would have hit me on the head!

3) with good grace,  willingly; ungrudgingly.

    She took on the extra work with good grace.

4) with bad grace,  reluctantly; grudgingly: Also with a bad grace.

    He apologized, but did so with bad grace.

5) have the grace to,  to be so kind as to.

    Would you have the grace to help, please?

6) by the grace of God,  thankfully; fortunately.

    By the grace of God, I won't have to deal with tax returns for another year.

7) in someone's good / bad graces, regarded with favor (or disfavor) by someone

    It is a wonder that I have managed to stay in her good graces this long.

I think that for this context the Noun number 5, "mercy; clemency; pardon" fits the best. A pardon, so to speak, for past misdeeds when it is entirely unmerited based on the past evidence of character.

After the meeting 2 or 3 of the ladies came up to me and thanked me for being there and for giving them some things to think about. A different perspective. I thanked them for having the meeting so that I could have a place to go while visiting.

In the car on the way back I talked with my sister about the madness of the idea of me being the "experienced member" in the room. We laughed.

And over the years since then I have thought a lot about this. What do I "deserve" and what am I given in grace as an unmerited gift?

1st, what do I deserve:

• A chance to make things in my life right
• To amend past wrongs that I have done to others and society
• To repair, as best as possible, the relationships in my life
• To make new and healthy relationships with others based in Love
• To repair the relationship with My Self
• To be of service to People and Society in all areas of Life
• To freely give to others the lessons that I have learned
• To continue to learn and grow
• To Love without expectation

2nd, What am I given in Grace, as an Unmerited Gift:

• Freedom from active addiction (And addiction is not about drugs)
• A chance to make things in my life right
• To amend past wrongs that I have done to others and society
• To repair, as best as possible, the relationships in my life
• To make new and healthy relationships with others based in Love
• To repair the relationship with My Self
• To be of service to People and Society in all areas of Life
• To freely give to others the lessons that I have learned
• To continue to learn and grow
• To Love without expectation

Notice please how 99 percent of both lists is exactly the same? The only exception is Freedom from Active Addiction. And let me say again, uncontrollable use of substances is only the most visible part of active addiction. There is a whole range of actions, attitudes, and behaviors that also are addiction. I can be, and have been, in the full flow of active addiction without touching any substances at all. Which is why I am a Recovering Addict instead of a Recovered Addict.

And the Unmerited Gift, the Grace, of Freedom from Active Addiction is what made all of the rest of it possible. Because by being made free from the uncontrolled use of substances part of active addiction I was able to begin a life long practice of the 12 Steps of Narcotics Anonymous which is what makes possible all the rest of that list.

And the rest of that list? everything that I "deserve" which is also everything that I have been freely given as an unmerited gift? I believe that it is only because of the Grace of Recovery that I am able to deserve the work to make it all possible. So the Unmerited Gift of Recovery makes it possible.

So, let me ask you:

• What do you think you deserve?
• What do you really deserve?
• What have you received thru Grace? (Wherever you think that comes from)

So folks, there you go. My question today, "What does deserve got to do with it"?

How will you answer that question?

Namaste 🙏