A Variety of Thoughts About Everything

 When I was real young I sent a whole bunch of change thru the mail in an envelope. I was ordering a K-Bar. Which is a Military Fighting Knife. A few weeks later I received that knife. With an envelope full of change that I sent thru the mail I got my hands on a Military Fighting Knife. At 11 years old. That is how easy it is, and has always been, to get deadly weapons in this country. Ridiculously easy. And over the years it has been made easier to buy deadly weapons, guns specifically, and the accoutrements to make them even deadlier, bump stocks, high capacity magazines, etc. And the only people who do not understand why we, the United States of America, not only lead the world, but lead the world running away, in Gun Deaths per Capita, are those who believe it is every Americans "God Given Right" and "Constitutionally Protected Right" to own Guns and all the stuff that can make them even worse. Hate to tell you all, the 2nd Amendment to the United States Constit

 When I was growing up I often felt like I was being made wrong all the time. That everything that I did, thought, and felt, was wrong. I could do nothing right. This lead to certain ways of being that were not healthy for my Body, Mind, or Spirit. It certainly helped my addiction to my imagination, which was already in full swing, to get even more entrenched. I also began to act out in ways that were really disguised (From me anyway) Anger and Self Hatred. And my silent, mostly, defiance of any type of Authority Figure amped up tremendously. All of this was very disruptive for my whole life in every aspect. And I became, if it is possible, and it was and is, even more isolated from the human race and all of those who I know today did, and still do, actually Love me. After many years of abusing myself with behaviors, drugs, relationships, etc, I finally began to work on all the things that made my life such as I felt that I had to numb it. Many moons later and I am still working on it.

 When I was a child, and even before I was born, some F'ed Up things were going on within my family. Addiction played a huge part in this. Some things happened to me. And, in the interest of full disclosure, I did some things as well. Both as a child growing up and as an "Adult". When people are hurting they tend to inflict hurt. Especially if inflicting pain is just a normal part of life. And for me it was. And it was not until I went into Recovery and started being honest about who I am and what I did and do in life that I began to learn better. And as I learned better I began to do better. I am by no means a Saint or Perfect. I am, as a friend once said, "... better, not yet well". And I have learned many things. A few of the things that I learned is that I am real good at threat assessment. I am real god at reading people. I am hyper sensitive to abuse and harm. And today I tend to act when I see it. For so much of my life I would be frozen and not able to a