A Variety of Thoughts About Everything

 One of the things that I talk about is that "I grew up in John Wayne's America. Where men are men, sheep are scared, and dog's are nervous". And when I say that I am trying to put a little bit of levity into a very important and not even remotely funny topic. Because I grew up in that type of masculinity. Where men did not show their feelings, and if they did they were mocked and made to feel less than for it. Where men did not ask for help because then they would just "prove" that they were weak and not "real men". Because "real men" took care of their busyness and never asked for help. In this type of masculinity being "The Man of the House" was the ideal. And woman were objects, property. They were most assuredly NOT men's equals. And children were to be "seen and not heard". Again, property. And bullying, in both children and adults, was an accepted part of life. It was thought that it would "toughen...

 As anyone who has followed me in this blog, even a little, knows, I have spent my life being in fear, being engulfed by fear, and trying to learn how to live with, and not act because of, fear. In recovery we have a couple of acronyms for fear. The first is F*** Everything And Run. That is addiction and sometimes our life. The other is Face Everything And Recover. That is Recovery, and sometimes our life. In the world outside of recovery the second one is often used as Face Everything And Rise. And again, whatever each person is using for self improvement, and sometimes their life. For a good chunk of my life, especially childhood into my thirties, I was consumed by and acted in my FEAR. I made decisions that were based in what I was afraid of and had no hope in them at all. In every area of my life fear ruled and consumed me. And I was totally blind to this. I went through my life thinking that I was intelligent, which I am, and acted from sound thinking, which I was not. I knew ...

 The "Playing for Change" foundation is an organization that recreates songs using artists from all over the world playing together to make the song beautiful. And the most interesting thing about it is these artists do not get together and play in the same place. Each artists is filmed and recorded in their own place, Country and city or town, one piece at a time. The logistics, the arranging of the music, all the work needed to make all of this come together, and the professionalism of all involved, is totally mind boggling. And, in my opinion, it takes a lot of Love. I just watched, and listened to, a Playing for Change video doing a wonderful version of "It's a Wonderful World" by the late Great Satchmo. AKA Louis Armstrong. And the most wonderful thing, in my opinion, was they had most of the singing done by 3 different children's choirs on three different continents. And as I was watching and listening to this I got teary eyed. Because I began to get a...

 Just recently I was having a conversation, via text message, with a young man I watched grow up. I dated his Mum for quite a while. I am extraordinarily fond of this young man. And he was sharing with me about his being in Therapy. He had broken up with his girlfriend a while ago and was having difficulty dealing with the emotions that came with this. He said: " Yessir! Been going to therapy since NAME and I broke up, that, along with cessation of smoking/vices has made me feel much more emotionally in touch and alive. I was speaking with one of my friends the other day who was having a really hard time and I was shocked by how their emotions directly translated in my emotions, them being someone I care about and hate to see hurting. Really makes it much easier to connect with people for sure." Followed by: " It's been a very weird feeling to cry and experience emotions, as even in the past when NAME and I broke up or had fights I would never cry for more than an ho...

"I am a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality." Byron Katie ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I have a lot of experience with arguing with reality. It does not happen so much today as it used to. And it still happen occasionally. Fortunately, most times, I am able to catch it when it does happen a lot quicker. This started when I was very young. At somewhere around five and half to six years old I looked at the world around me and said, deep in my gut, emotionally, not intellectually, "F** this. I'm out", and began to dive into my imagination. My Imagination was my first, and the one that I sometimes will still struggle with, drug. And how do I know it is a drug and I use it addictively? Because once I start imagining I cannot stop on my own. And once stopped by outside circumstances I cannot stay s...

 "and move the f*** on." I just finished watching a movie called "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot". Very interesting movie. I encourage anyone to see it. The basic premise is a woman reporter in New York shakes up her life by going to Kabul to report on the war in Afghanistan. When she is just beginning her time in Afghanistan she meets and interviews a young Marine Lance Corporal. And they soon become friends. And she uses a quote he gave her about not loading his rifle because he does not need to.  And then he disappears from the story. Several years later she is in a situation and she is told that after she used his interview in a story he got sent to Kandahar. And that an IED had taken off both of his legs. She is devastated by this as she feels responsible for his being transferred into danger. After she gets the situation she is handling resolved she goes back to the "real world" after years in the Afghanistan. And she finds out where the former Marine Lance C...

 After I wrote my last on Being Happy I received the following via text message from one of my Recovery friends. And I want to address it. " I get that our mindset is important. However, no amount of choosing to be happy would cure my depression. Medication can be life saving. There's also TMS and I know one person whose life has completely changed for the better because of it. It makes me sad to see anyone believe that if they just try hard enough, they can just choose to be happy. When literally, it's your brain chemistry and there's help out there. I wanted to be happy so bad and kept blaming myself for TOO long. What I needed was a mix of medication, therapy AND NA. "  First, I totally understand where my friend is coming from. I also have mental health issues to deal with. Depression and PTSD being my two. That I am aware of. I am also an Addict in Recovery thru NA. Choosing to Be Happy does not cure depression. And I never, in any way, meant to imply that ...