A Variety of Thoughts About Everything

 As anyone who has followed my ramblings know I have been dealing with Fear my entire life. Or at least as far back as I can remember. And I can remember. For example, the earliest memory that I have I was less than a year old. I was in the backseat of an automobile. In the front seat two people, whom I knew were my Mother and Father, I knew their voices, arguing. About what who knows. What I do know is that I was afraid. Not because of what was said. I had no context yet for Language so the words, that I did not even understand that were words, meant nothing to me. It was the tone, the volume, the vibe, all of it was expressing what I now know as Anger and Fear. And that was the extent of any understanding. Way deep down inside where Language does not exist I Knew that this was bad, danger, etc. And I was afraid. I did not know yet that I was afraid. And again, deep inside where Language did not yet exist, I Knew that this was wrong, and I did not like it. And I am pretty sure tha...

  And Life. Paradox: (Thank you Dictionary.com) 1) a statement that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth. “Less is more” is a paradox often repeated in the arts and other fields. It is a paradox of healthy grief that we must work at it while surrendering to it. 2) any person, thing, or situation displaying an apparently contradictory nature. In the media the candidate was called a paradox—an unpopular populist. Synonyms:  riddle, anomaly, puzzle 3) a self-contradictory and false statement, especially one arising from seemingly acceptable premises and correct logical argument. 4) time paradox. 5) Also called  paradox illusion .  an optical illusion depicting an impossible object, often a two-dimensional figure that the viewer intuitively interprets as representing a three-dimensional one, but which cannot actually exist in three dimensions: brought to popular attention especially by the work of M. C. Escher. 6) Ar...

I grew up in 'merica. Which means that the Christian Religion was a part of how things were. And are. And there were many times thru out my growing up years where I heard the above saying. A lot.  And for me that, like religion, just never worked. It never made sense to me. Just like religion never made sense to me. And I have heard it a lot in recovery as well. People keep saying "Well everything happens for a reason". And I find that irritating a hell. For me, when one says that, they are basically denying that they have any power in their life. That this "god" of theirs is responsible for everything and they have "no choice" in the matter. Because "everything happens for a reason" is coded speech for their "god" has willed it to be. According to all of the "sacred writings" that I have ever read, which includes the christian bible, we are  creatures created in our creators image with free will. Free Will. Which means we...

 Or Resist and Die? I was just recently on a webinar where the person speaking was talking about the new world that we are in. Where How we make an income is changing. And she said, "There are two types of people in times like this. Those who adapt and thrive, and those who resist and die". Unfortunately, I am not sure if that is the exact wording. I came and wrote it down while the webinar was still going on. And my memory got fuddled in the 15 seconds it took for me to open this up and write it. The presenter on this webinar was talking about the business world. I, rather automatically, shifted this out into the entire realm of life. Life as it is today. And here in the United States we are watching this go on in real time. We are seeing a Massive Reaction, Socially, Politically, Business, Religious, to a shift that is happening in this country. A large part of the population does not understand this shift, is scared of this shift, and is violently resisting this shift. Wha...

 Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 22:39, and Mark 12:31 Let me start off by saying that I am neither Christian nor any other Religion. I do not believe in any god out there. I believe that a truly Spiritual life involves a lifetime journey inside ones self to get in touch with the Creator that we all are. And, I also grew up in these United States where the predominate religion is Christianity. And I was exposed to, and later studied, the christian bible for myself. And later on a whole bunch of "holy books" from other religions. The hypocrisy that I could see being practiced daily by the "true believers" around me helped me, as much as many other things, to get to where I am with my spiritual beliefs. I am not trying to argue with anyone, or try to convince you that I am right or correct, or that you are wrong and incorrect, just explaining so that you understand where I am coming from. And if you are offended by what I say then ok. I really don't care, although I do u...

 When I was young I was in a state of defiance against everything. Occasionally loud. Usually quiet. My actions usually spoke much louder than I did. There was this Blacklight Poster that was around that I really identified with. It showed a mouse flipping off and eagle just before the bird's claws took the mouse. It was, to me, epic. It looked like this. I cannot find the one that I remember. This is close: The poster that I remember was from the viewpoint of just behind the mouse, literally on the mouse's back, and looking up at the bird and the Bird's Claws with the Mouse's Middle Finger in prominently displayed. And I really liked it. More importantly, I Identified with it. To give you an example of what defiance looked like for me, any of you that have read my previous stuff know this story. So here it is again. My Step Father decided that I should wash dishes after dinner every night. For some "reason" I took this as a massive imposition. And, I would st...

 Solitude is most definitely a double edged sword. And which side is cutting one depends entirely where one is in life. If one is in a place of Being Insecure, not in touch with Who They Are as a Human Being, and generally, not in every case, and maybe not even in the majority cases, when one is younger, then solitude can be a bad place. It will then be a place where every single mistake, every single time that one could have been a better human, every time that one felt bad about themselves, will be repeated on a loop thus reinforcing ones negative self image. Also, in my experience, every single slight, trick played on one, nasty remark, all the things that will make one mad, will also play on a loop. And ones stress level will go thru the roof and one is hating everyone and everything. So, one is either feeling extremely bad about who they are, or one is feeling the euphoria of negativity that in anger and hate. A very toxic mix. And there is also what a friend of mine called "...