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Fear Stops Me

 When I was very young, less than one year old, my family lived in Toronto Ontario. Canada. My parents were members of an expanding organization that they truly believed in. Thus they had travelled a lot. For example, My two older sister wee born in Melbourne Australia. My oldest brother was born in Washington DC, my next brother was born in Opa-Locka Florida. And me, my folks were on a road trip and in was born in a hotel in Detroit Michigan. My next sister was born in Toronto. Then some things happened and my parents split up and my Mother got together with my Step Father. Thus my next sister, brother, and two sisters, were born in Unity/Claremont New Hampshire. So roots were not really a thing. Now, going back to when I was young, less than a year old. I have my very first memory. I was in what I can now identify as the back seat of the family car. I am told that it was an AMC Rambler. And I could hear two voices, which I knew was my Father and Mother, arguing bitterly. I did no...

Acceptance is the answer...

 In the basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous, AKA The Big Book, there is a passage, was page 449 in the 3rd edition, is page 417 of the 4th edition, that says: "Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment." I find that to be true in my life as well. Until I accept everything, exactly as it is and is not, I will not be able to deal with it effectively. So what does Acceptance mean? Let us look at dictionary.com and find out. the act of taking or receiving something that is offered favorable reception; approval; favor the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory For me definition 3 is the one that comes closest for this context. Now let me add some things here about what acceptance is not. I do that s...

We Have A Choice

 I went to a meeting of Narcotics Anonymous tonight. Not unusual. I have been in Recovery from Addiction for a long time and NA is where I go to get it. After the meeting I was sharing with a newcomer. This person had shared something in the meeting that I have experience with. So we talked. And during that discussion I said something that I remember was said to me a long time ago, that I found to be one of the most important things that I have ever heard, that I share a lot now with newcomers. I said, "You never have to use again. Even if you want to, you don't have to. You have a choice today". And that is true. Once an addict stops using, the substance, behavior, or whatever they are using in order to run away from life, then a whole world of possibilities open up for their life. I know this is true. And I believe that when I say this to another the depth of that experience carries through so that they can actually believe it is possible for themselves. Over the years ...

May You Live In Interesting Times

 The title of this is an ancient Chinese curse allegedly. And I understand why it is considered curse now. The context for that being that Interesting times were times of Chaos and Upheaval with overtones of Disaster. Where everything was being turned on it's head. And, for a different perspective, my Mother tells me that my Grandmother, her Mother, Leigh, used to say that all the time. And she meant it in a different context. Her context was Grow up and go tackle life. Take it on and Master it. So there you have it, Interesting Times. And, for today, I think that we live in Interesting Times in the Chinese Curse context. And let me explain why. For 60+ years there has been a well financed movement to divide America on every front. Politically, Spiritually, Emotionally, in any way possible. And we are in the resulting time. We are no longer the American Community or Family. We are a bunch of separate constituencies that look upon other constituencies with Fear. and Hate. All very c...

Community

 The Human Race as we know it evolved out of the tree climbing race known collectively as the Primate Family. Those are Community Orientated groups. And we continued to be a Community as we evolved. It is hard wired into our DNA, RNA, and whatever other things make us up Genetically. If you look at Human History you will see that the first real punishment that Humans devised for the people that were harming their community was shunning. And, to the people that it was applied to, it was horrid. To be cut off from ones community while still in that community generally broke most people. And if shunning did not work then they came up with Banishment. People got completely driven out of their community and never allowed to return. Often the people that this was done to would end up killing themselves. And then came Religion of the Sky God. And that changed things. We went from a mostly Matriarchal Society with an Earth Mother to a Patriarchal Society with Male Sky Gods. And in that soc...

America's Post Mortem

 Here we are. In the final days of the United States of America as we have all understood it to be. Most people still do not believe, and do not want to believe, the days of any freedom are gone. In just a short amount of time I will probably be arrested or harassed in some way that is nasty because of the things that I write. I will still write them. Until I am no longer able. And everyone is talking about Trump and Elon. And, while I agree, they are a massive problem, they are not the real problem. They are the Result of The Problem. The problem started in the very beginning of "Colonial" days as we separated the European people from the Native people and declared them to be Not Human. And so the Genocide of the Native Peoples began. Then, in 1619, the "settlers" in Jamestown Virginia, bought the first load of Africans from a Dutch "Trader". AKA a Slaver. And the treatment of these "Indentured Servants" was, from the beginning, different from E...

This Generation Is So Sensitive!!!

 There is a truism that, as far as I can tell has been true forever, each generation complains about the generations that follow. And the complaint is always the same, "This generation is ..." and in that "..." is always, they are not enough of something, or they are too much of something. I remember when I was young, we were called slovenly because we had long hair and did not wear dress clothes a lot. Jeans and T-Shirts, often with holes and no sleeves. That was just one of the ways we were Not and/or too much whatever it was. And here we are now, denigrating the generation that followed just like our parents and grand parents etc did. We, who thought we were the ultimate Rebels, turned out to be just like our parents. And we are doing the same exact things. And, while it was bad before, damaging to relationships, today it is far worse. In this day of mass communication and social media it is much more damaging. So why do we condemn the generations that follow us?...

Memory

 I have always had a good memory. For as long as I can remember existing I remember things. And I must admit that at times my memory is a blessing and at times it is a curse. Like all things. Over the years as I have done work on myself and compared memories with people who have been in my life forever I am struck by how true the old saying about memory is. IE, every single person sees the same event and each one of them experience and remember it differently. Very personally. For example, the Police consider an eye witness account as the least useful evidence in a case. Because people see thru their own filters and not reality. There are very few people in this world that can see what is in front of them without bias or interpretation. And who can then accurately convey what it was and not what they thought it was. And, over the years, I have had to face something for myself as well. My memory of something can change over time. As time goes by my feelings can change the reality of...

The Dash

 Through out time there has been one thing always true, no matter how it happens we are all going to die sometime. there is no escaping it. And the ways we die are varied, Sickness, War, Murder, Accident, etc we all are going to die. And, in the end, if we escape everything else, age is the final arbiter. No matter how lucky, healthy, safe, we have lived our lives, death comes for us all in the end. Old age is the final stop. I remember reading a book some time ago, Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom, where Morrie, the man in the title, knew he was dying and knew, within a very small range of time, how much longer he had. And he said to Mitch, "Everybody knows they are going to die, but no one believes it". That is a pretty profound statement. And it is so true. Look at the society around us. Especially Western European American Society. We do all these things to prolong our lives and make no effort to prepare for after. We make wills and try to make an appearance of knowing...

Spirituality and/or Religion

 Spirituality has been part of the life of Humanity since we first began to be able to think and speak. It was, in part, Humanities way of trying to explain a vast and wonderful Universe that scared the living daylights out it. And very quickly Religion was birthed from Spirituality. The two have walked together, in an increasingly uneasy "alliance", ever since. It was, and for some still is, thought that they were one and the same. The difference, in my experience which has formed my opinion, between the two was this, Spirituality is all about a personal relationship with something greater than one's self in some fashion. Religion is about codifying a set of rules and behaviors and then enforcing those codes, with a person as an intermediary and interpreter between a person and their relationship to something greater than themselves. As a little side note, it is said in the recovery world, "Religion is for those who are afraid to go to hell. Spirituality is for peop...

Being a Failure Versus Failing

 For a very big chunk of my life I felt like a failure. It was not something that I talked about or allowed myself to think about. As far as I was concerned, way deep down inside that totally unacknowledged part of me, it just was the way my life was. There was no need to think, discuss, or do anything about it because that was just life. A very fatalistic point of view. And I went thru life Being A Failure, performing actions that gave me the evidence I needed to prove myself right. A very Self Defeating circle. Essentially my life was circling the drain like a toilet bowl that has been flushed. And I felt like there was nothing that I could do about it. And everything that I did and felt reinforced that feeling that there was nothing that I could do. But, of course, there was something that I could do about it. And one day, in my young 30's, I began that journey of transitioning my life from circling the toilet bowl to being something that I could actually feel was worth living. ...

A Time of Reflection

 As I am here this morning looking back on the year that, in the western tradition, is passing, I am, once again, struck by how much it is in my relationship to others that my life gains any meaning for me. And yes, I am fully aware that this is meaning that I choose to give it. This past year, like every year, and any moment that I choose to reflect on, had many challenges. And joys. And moments of meh. And everything in between. Another words, it was a pretty standard life. And I am reflecting on the quality, and quantity, of the relationships in my life as well. Some of those relationships are tolerable. We can be in each others presence and not get on each other. And there really is not much more to it than that. We do not have much in common and may not even like each other as human beings. That is a very small number. And some of those relationships, many of them, are casual. We get along and like each other. And we don't spend a lot of time in each others company. That is mo...

How Democrats Lose

Those of us on the Center and Left side of the Political Spectrum are sitting here and keep wondering why, with a pretty good plan to make American lives better, and an opponent who can only offer a vision of a Dystopian Nightmare to anyone who is paying attention, never mind all of the Criminal and Seditious activities, Democrats keep losing elections. And there have been a lot of different idea put forward as to why. And some, probably most, of them actually do have some truth to them. And none of them are ideas that I think should not have attention paid to them. And I think that most of them miss the mark to some degree or another. So let us look at how we got here to start. In the 1964 Republican Primary a man named Barry Goldwater won the nomination to run for President. He was the one who finished the marriage of extremism with the Republican party. Among other things he was a fan of the John Birch Society . Lyndon Baines Johnson handed him his ass in the 1964 election winning 4...