A Variety of Thoughts About Everything

 One of the first things I wrote when I started writing this blog was a thing called " A Star Trek World ". And in that I talked about what that world looked like for me. It was, and is, a beautiful way of seeing the world. In my opinion. Since then we have had the National and International disaster that is Donald Trump. The ongoing Ethnic Cleansing in Gaza. The invasion of Ukraine. And rising tensions around Taiwan. And there is more. In Africa, Asia, North and South America, everywhere. There is a heck of a lot going on in this world right now which says that we are in trouble. The most troubling thing for me is not all of these things going on around the world. As horrific as they are. It is the very sharp divisions that run thru our various societies. Everywhere in the word we are seeing our societies getting fractured. Along Political, Sexual, Religious, Racial, etc, lines. All of the ways that we use to identify who we are is being used to further the separation from e...

 ... and what that means about us. In the last few months I have had a lot of stories show up on my Social Media newsfeed. And these stories all tell variations of the same story. In that story the narrator is either an angry old solitary man, widowed and retired and/or a biker. If retired a mechanic or some other type of person who works with their hands. Or someone who is really hurt and isolated who is sometimes thinking of extreme solutions who is a younger person in the finance or tech side of the world. In the narration there is usually some sort of talk about how the world is really loud with a lot of shouting going on in the media etc. And something then happens where the narrator has to interact with someone who is their complete opposite in everything political etc. And it becomes a heart warming story of people who disagree helping each other to survive in this loud and cold world. And, no matter whether the narrator is the older or younger person, and it is usually the ...

Throughout my life I have been in places where I feel like I have finally become someone and feel like I am finally able to just be. And then it all falls apart and somewhere down the road I find that I have gone thru another transformation, and that I have now become something other than I was. And then I settle down again to another time of Being. And the trap is that I then think that I have arrived, that this is it. And feel as if there are no more transformations left now. The problem with that is that then gets me into a place of Being Stuck. And, as anyone who has ever had a car stuck in deep and sticky mud or clay knows, once one is stuck it is difficult to get moving again. It usually, almost always, requires assistance. And, for me, Asking for assistance, asking for help, is the one thing one must never do. When I was young, very young, I learned that one cannot ask for help. One will never get it. In fact, one will usually get the exact opposite of help. What I could not see...

I was watching a blurb on a video channel from a fairly popular streaming show today. The scene was an elderly man talking to his very elderly Father and inviting him into his home for what is left of his life after years of estrangement. And at the end the Father said to the Son something to the effect of "I don't deserve this". And the Son replied "What does deserve got to do with it Pops"? And that kicked off a line of thinking that lead to this. A long time ago I went to a city that I had never been to before to visit family. A big event was happening and family from all over was coming to be a part of it. At that time I had about three and a half years in recovery from addiction. And one of the things that I had been taught from the beginning is to find a meeting when in a strange place. Well, this was a strange place indeed :-). So I called the local hotline. They told where there was a meeting about 15 minutes away from where I was in a little over an hou...

 ... you have to change the things in your life. Or, as we say in recovery, "If nothing changes then nothing changes". For a long time in my life I was trying to control the chaos around me by controlling all the people, places, events, and situations that were going on around me. I used the many tools manipulation to the absolute best of my ability. And failed. Completely. It never occurred to me that I would need to change myself, along with the people, places, and things around me. Because Change was a big, nasty, scary word with MEANING. And that meaning was Bad. And, in time, I came to a place of utter desperation where I had a choice, either do something radically different or just die and get it over with. And it was a razors edge difference in a just barely stronger will to live that won out in the end. And I had to give up control in order to do this. That was not fun. Nor was it easy. So I began to change the things in my life. I no longer hung out with the people t...

 I was watching a Youtube video the other day about the person's view of what the movie "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty", the 2013 version, really means. And they did well in explaining their view and why they thought of that. I may or may not go into that at some future time. And in one moment they got into the statement of purpose of Life magazine which is as follows: "To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, to draw closer, to find each other and to feel. That is the purpose of LIFE." Now that is a pretty bold statement of purpose.  In order for me to better understand I am going to break this down for myself. "To see the world". And, in this context, I take it as not just looking at it. I see this as in actually Seeing it. As in the old greeting "I See You". And that greeting says, to me, that I see and accept all of you as you are and are not. To See the world in that context is a very bold undertaking. "...

 There is, and have been, family visiting. Over the last few weeks there have been a lot of family visiting. And, to be clear, these are all people that I love and who's company I genuinely enjoy. They are extending invitations for me to join them in activities. And they are not asking me to do anything that I don't, usually, like doing. And I am finding myself really not wanting to do these things at all. So what the f**k is wrong with me? Wrong question. The real question is "What the f**k is going on with me"? So, there is a lot going on with me. And for the most part it has to do with I am really "unwell" financially and it effecting every area of my life. Including my mood and etc. Most visibly, I do not want to interact with people at all. And little things that would not normally be a deal are just irritating as hell. And other things that are minorly irritating that usually I handle without a lot of stress are just majorly irritating and I am biting ...

I was reading one of those things that have been showing up on my Social Media pages lately that are "inspiring" stories of people throwing off chains that have been forged by "family obligations". I usually find them interesting in that the lengths that the people in these stories have allowed themselves to get to in order to be manipulated is usually pretty fantastic. Not saying that it cannot, or does not, happen to that extent, I just find it amazing that people have this little self awareness that they allow themselves to be put into these positions. And I digress. Near the end of one of these stories the protagonist said "Martyrdom is just control in a nicer outfit". That landed for me pretty heavily. I could identify with the statement for a lot of different reasons. I have been a person that manipulates others, in a very nasty way, in order to get what I want from them. And I have, at times, been surrounded by people who manipulate me in order for ...

 During the 1920's and 30's Adolph Hitler had a uniformed cadre of thugs called the SturmAbteilung commonly called the SA. They were also known as the Brownshirts, because they had Brown Shirts and Brown Pants as their uniform. They were the Terrorist Arm of the Nazi Party which he used to create havoc and disorder which he then blamed on Jews, Communists, Liberals, Trade Unions, and basically anyone whom he did not like. Somewhere along the way there was a unit formed within the Brownshirts called the ShutzStaffel. and their shirts were Grey and their Pants were Black. Originally they were considered the "Elite" unit within the Brownshirts and were Hitler's bodyguards. They were commanded by a little known person by the name of Heinrich Himmler. Once Hitler gained power he did what every dictator has ever done. He turned on the people who got him there. In 1934, about 6 or 7 months after he got into power he had the Night of the Long Knives. And that is where he ...

 I went to the yesterdays No Kings in America protest. And, even more amazing, my 89 year old Mother, who has never protested anything like this in her life, went with me. She has been politically active in her life. Always from the inside. She was, for example, part of the Sullivan County NH campaign committee for Jimmy Carter in 1976 and Sullivan County campaign chair for him in 1980. So always within the system. Never from outside of it. For two hours she sat in a folding chair and, sometimes with a sign in front of her and sometimes no sign, waved at the people driving by who were honking and waving at us. Standing and walking hurts so her just walking from the car to where I set up her chair was painful and then walking back to the car after. I ran around talking to people and getting pieces of people's story, when not standing next to Mom saluting cars that were honking and waving. I was in the Army many moons ago and still know how to render the hand salute properly. After t...

  noun 1) the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the emotions, thoughts, or attitudes of another. She put an arm around her friend’s shoulders and stood by her in silent empathy. 2) the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself. By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self. (Thank you dictionary.com) For many years I was, and sometimes still can be, a very self centered person. Everything was always about me. Usually colored by my many resentments. I had exactly zero empathy, or any real identification, for other people. It was aways about my perception of things and how I thought that things affected me. As a friend of mine used to say, It is always about me and usually in the worst possible way. And it was always filtered through how I felt about it. Which was almost always in the most negative way possible to feel about things. As a result I could never have a...

 I was talking with a person a few days ago about a variety of things. And in that the topic of the killing of a Right Wing Hate Speecher that has recently happened came up. And the person I was talking with said something along the lines of, There are a lot of people celebrating the death of NAME and I think that is messed up. After they had said their piece I stated, again, something along the lines of, I am one of those people. I think that this person reaped as they had sowed. That they had called for violence and death against anyone who they thought was different. And they got the thing that they had wished on others. They reaped as they had sowed. As a set up for the next piece of dialog, a few months ago there was a person who went into the home of a very famous politician in order to kill this person. When they could not find the politician they took the politicians spouse prisoner and then proceeded to beat this spouse almost to death with a hammer. So the next thing out ...